I no longer want to feel the way I feel, so I decided to change the situation I am in. Just like that.
I remember the night I left the city for good. I guess it will be forever be etched in my mind. I remember faking smile and acting like everything was fine. I cannot cry. I will not cry, especially in front of you. I wanted you to see me off, even for the last time. But you said no. You gave me one last long, tight hug and you left the house, not waiting for me to leave it for good, not wanting to see me go.
As I was traversing the road back to my old hometown, I waited for you to text me, to stop me, to ask me to stay. I was very much willing to fight for us. Even at that moment I was waiting for you.
Even if I am back with my family, I still spent a great deal of time waiting for you. Every night I still prayed to God that you would change your mind. I would still hope that you will show up at our doorstep. I would check my phone if you have called or texted saying, “I want you back.”
I wanted you to long for me the way I long for you — to crave for me the way I crave for you.
I wanted you to think of me the way I thought of you.
I want you to choose me — to choose us.
In your arms, I always feel safe. You told me it was I that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and I believed you. I wanted you to be my forever person. I believed in that idea when I walked down the aisle the day we got married. From the moment we met, I thought you were the one for me, but as time passed, the light in your eyes changed. We became toxic.
I spent a huge time blaming myself. I blamed myself a lot. I really thought it was me, but truth is, it wasn’t me. I spent my days worried sick about you. I lost myself in the process of loving you. Everyone would ask why I let you treat me that way, but I see a lot in you that they don’t. I simply loved you.
Nothing was enough for you.
You are a runner. You run when things go wrong. You cry foul when things go out of your control, claiming it’s unfair, demanding something better. You simply cannot go on without changing something. I am not sure if you even know what you really want.
I gave everything to you – to us. I accepted you, your past, your imperfections, your darkness. You kept a lot of things from me – you have deep dark secrets that you simply do not allow anyone to know. Even when it broke my heart, I loved you through it all. From you I learned that I cannot fix anyone. Even through the sleepless nights and the times I felt alone, I loved you all my life.
Today, I decide to stop waiting for you. I refuse to wait for you to regret leaving me. I will live my life no longer caring whether you will have knowledge of my value or not. I know my own worth now. I am already learning to live my life without you, even if there are times that I don’t want to, I will now trust God’s plans. I will pray for you each day. I will pray that you will find peace, and happiness within yourself and with your new love.
With that said, I am finally letting you go.
Just got LUCKY 