An Open Letter to the Woman Who Seem to Despise Me So Much..

 

You were so mad at me that you wanted to ruin my life. You spewed angry words at me — words filled with such venomous rage.

If I were my early 2016 self I would have responded to you with even deadlier words and would have torn you apart. I may be small but I sure do know how to break a person’s ego. I did that to my husband, I cannot see why I can’t do the same to you.

But you see, I am no longer that person. I have taken a good look at myself in the mirror after that incident with you and saw how much of a horrible monster I turned out to be. I was broken and I need someone to blame. I was hurt and thus I also hurt other people. But you see, I have learned that I can never fix my brokenness with rage. I cannot also expect other people to fix the problems I got myself into. Only I can patch things up. Only love can make me whole again and with that I  made it my mission to become better — to be worthy of the love and respect that people may offer — to be clean and right before the Father’s eyes.

As much as I wanted to insult you, I can’t. And although I failed to handle the situation with class, I can still give myself credit for not disrespecting you in anyway.

You berated me and as much as I wanted to respond to you in the same manner, I chose not to. I cannot for now I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU. You have all the right to despise me because after all the love and care you have shown me, I blamed you for the mess I got myself in to.

You hate me this much because at some point you also loved me this much. And I loved you too. You were like my older sister and I look up to you. You treated me like a family yet I seemed to have thrown it away in just a blink of an eye.

In my journey of fixing myself and finding inner peace, I actually learned that how we perceive people speaks more of who we really are. That is how I keep my cool and not lose my shit despite everything you just said to me. For one, all you said about me were not true. And I also begin to understand that you are not completely mad at me. You are simply mad at something you see in me that you may also have in you; or something that I have that you think I do not deserve. You see, we tend to see our reflections on people. Oftentimes we hate people because they show us things we refuse to see in ourselves. I hated my husband for not honoring his commitment, but I too, at several instances failed to keep my promises to him and to others. I hate waiting but I actually also make other people wait. I hated you before because I can see how cool you can be (and I will never be as cool as you) and my husband seems to enjoy your company more than mine. Also, there are times that we dislike them for having something which we wish we also have.

I have everything handed to me. I get what I want without having to lift a finger and maybe that is why you hate me so much. My husband left me but it never seemed like he did. He still gives me everything I want and he still makes little efforts to make me comfortable. Something, I believe, that you wish your husband will do the same for you. You work your ass off to live a comfortable life while I did not have to do anything and still get things my way.

You fear that when I succeed with all my plans I will get even — I will take revenge. But you see, it is just all in your head. I cannot blame you though. Perhaps because if you put yourself in my shoes, you will surely get back on the people who have hurt you. My old self will perhaps do the same. But I am not that person anymore. I realized that there are so many beautiful things in life that has to be enjoyed. Staying bitter and miserable is simply a waste of time. In fact, when I get to fulfill my dreams, I will make myself busy enjoying the fruits of my hard work and surely I will no longer have time to get back on people, who, I believed have hurt me. For what it’s worth, if I succeed, I have you all to thank for.

Who am I to judge, yet perhaps also one of the reasons you might want to look in to in order to know why you hate me is because you cannot seem to fathom how I can be so happy and at peace despite being left by the love of my life. While you, on the other hand, was the one who left your love and you strongly believe it was the right decision and yet maybe you cannot seem to find peace. How I manage to stand up after I fell is actually a complex process but it all boils down to letting God take control and forgiving myself for everything that I did which led to the break up. I can never unlove my husband and I learned to accept that. Perhaps the realization that love is not about possession is one of the reasons why I was able to just live my life. My faith in God that He is always in control helps me sleep soundly at night.

I have learned from my previous mistakes. I have learned to own up to everything I did wrong. And if there is anything that I need to admit, it is the fact that I trusted some people and I told them how I felt instead of telling you directly what was bothering me. I never really gave it a thought that they may misinterpret what I say and spin it into something different. I was so immature, selfish and stupid back then. With that, I AM REALLY SORRY.

I am sorry I am not miserable as you hoped I would be. You probably wish I am, thinking I deserve it after everything that you believe I did to you. I never bad mouth-ed you to anyone, or at least it was not my intention. I should have been smart enough to realize that people can give that a different meaning. I am sorry I judged you and I am sorry I broke your heart.

As someone I once loved, I wish you will find a way to heal the wounds I and other people have caused you. You deserve to be happier than you are now and I pray that you will be able to forgive yourself for the decisions you may feel you did wrong and give yourself a chance to start anew. You are a wonderful person and you deserve more peace and love just like everyone else.

Sincerely, I pray that God will bring you the additional loads of peace and comfort He has given you and me the past years.

Wishing you all the best.

 

 

 

 

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I Forgive You..

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” -Matthew 18:21-22

Dear Husband,

There as so many things that I do not know about myself, but among the things that I do know is the fact that I often find it difficult to forgive people who have hurt me and caused me a lot of pain. When our paths crossed and I fell in love with you I thought I have already learned to forgive since I often forgive you when you happen to hurt me multiple of times. Sadly, it wasn’t what I thought it should be.

You see, when you forgive people you have to forgive them unconditionally. When you forgive, you just have to give it and let it go — not making count nor use it as ammo for the next big fight.

When you left and I decided to redirect my life into serving God, I came to know how to forgive. It was totally difficult at first. I must surrender my pride and humble myself in order to forgive myself from everything I committed which led to our separation. It took guts to examine who I really am and see the monster I have turned to be. It also took a lot of guts to forgive you and accept the fact that you just made a decision which you deem best for yourself and for both of us. It hurts at first but as I move on with life and get to know God more I came to understand why and I have learned to be thankful for it.

We were good until last Saturday when you allowed your “friend” to use your facebook account and talk to me in the meanest way one can ever imagine. She definitely threw a temper tantrum and started to spew venom everywhere — basically all of it was aimed to me. You see, I moved back to my hometown with hopes of changing my fate and getting a fresh start in life. I really thought you have already understood that. We were good until you and your friends decided to accuse me of something that I did not do. Have you forgotten, dear husband, that it is not only I who know all your schemes? In fact I am even amazed that other people know more things about you than I do. It seemed like I even married a man totally different from who you really are. The truth is, whatever you and your “friend” do with your lives — I don’t really care! So why did you decide to drag me into the mess that you are now in to?

My faith has thought me to be kind to everyone and that is what I am trying to do everyday. I am also learning to believe in the goodness of people and have faith in humanity. Hence, even if you left me which totally destroyed my trust in you, I tried to focus my attention to the goodness I have known that you possess and just relied on it. I do believe in my heart that the man I married is a good man. Yet, what happened made me wonder what things you reported to your friends were? Did you even share to them conversations that should be just between us? Do you really allow her to read your messages?! So is there really something going on with you and your cute friend since she has access to your account? I wish these questions will be answered but again, I’d rather not know to spare myself from the pain.

Dear husband, after going through the kind of pain that I went through I have known better. I have learned not to ask you questions I am not prepared to hear the answers. I have learned not to mind your business or ask people what you are up to so as to spare myself from possible pain. Husband dear, I am not as stupid as you thought I am. I may be crazy but I know how to love myself and to take care of myself. Ever since our separation all I ever cared about is to get back on my feet and take care of my mental well being. Allowing myself to still know your activities will only drive me crazy and it is something that I’d rather not turn to be.

Husband, have you ever known me to lie? Did I even believe that rumors when it reached me? Isn’t it that I came to you right after to confirm its truthfulness? I may question you from time to time but did I ever go to other people and confirm the validity of such issues when I do not even know the facts myself? How come I was the first person you thought would do such horrible thing to you? Do you realize how much will it cost me if you lose your job? Above all, do you have any idea how much it hurts?

But it was done. You allowed your righteous and know it all friend to meddle with our affairs. I may be hurting and I may be angry but I will still choose to do the right thing. Husband, I will tell you now that I FORGIVE YOU. I forgive you for being weak. I forgive you for not trusting me and I forgive you for allowing other people to talk to me that way.

I forgive you and I am letting this go. Not for you or for your friends but for my sake. This is how I am able to sleep soundly at night. I am hoping you will soon find the peace that I have already found.

 

Wishing you all the best,

Your soon to be ex-wife.

 

Magnet: How to Attract the Right Person into Your Life

Magnet: How to Attract the Right Person into Your Life

“No man is an island” so they say. We may tend to distance ourselves from others but the truth is we still want to belong. Humans are social creatures; we interact with others to survive. Relationships form a huge part of our lives. Most often than not, we walk on this world in search for our perfect match.

In this modern age, studies about relationships and dating strategies are very common. Books telling us how to get a date, how to attract the perfect match or how to impress a girl are available almost everywhere. Then again, why, despite the accessibility of these books, are there relationships that do not last? Why are there still many of us who are stuck in unhealthy relationships? More often than not we blame the other person. We blame the so-called-abuser. But guess what? We are equally to be blamed as well.

One of the most important reasons why we cannot seem to have healthy relationships is because we also do not have a healthy relationship with ourselves. The saying “love yourself first” may sound cliché but it in fact states the entire truth. If you really love yourself and really like yourself, it will be easier for you to attract the right person into your life.

So how do we attract the right person? There are basically THREE LAWS OF ATTRACTION. 

    1. You do not attract what you deserve, YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE. How to we see others speaks more about how we see ourselves than what or who they really are. Our perception is our reality. Consider this: Lea, who to many, is a bright, young, beautiful woman. Like any other attractive women, she has many suitors. Among them are Brad, a good man from a good family, with stable job as an architect and Jake, an alcoholic bum with temper problem. Lea’s family of course wanted Brad for her. Much to their surprise, Lea chose Jake over Brad. She stays in the relationship even if he continuously belittles her and she defends him from her family and friends by saying that they just do not see what she sees in Jake.We often see women in an abusive relationship and we wonder why she stays in such situation when in fact we know she deserves better. The truth is, just like Lea, these women (or men) may not see things that way. She stays because she believes it is simply what she deserves and she cannot and does not deserve to “wish” for more. 
      1. You do not attract who you want, YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE. Unhealthy relationships are common nowadays. Going back to the story of Lea, we wonder, how can a woman of such brains and beauty allows a man like Jake to simply walk over her. What we do not know is that long before he treated her like garbage, she already treats herself as garbage. It is not because Lea is a masochist or a martyr that she stays in such relationship. She simply stays because she believes in herself that the only person who could love her is the one who is like herself.

       

      Most common mistake many of us tend to commit nowadays is jumping into another relationship shortly after the previous one failed. When we do this, we fail to give ourselves the time to grieve and heal. If we want to attract the right person, we must know that we must never move on to another relationship without allowing our wounds to heal first. Unhealed wounds would only attract wounded persons and we enter into a relationship with expectations that such person would somehow fix us.

      1. You do not attract how you want to be treated, YOU ATTRACT HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF. It is said that people only treats you the way they see how you treat yourself. If you want someone to respect you, then you have to behave like a respectable person that you are. In Lea’s case, she accepts whatever Jake hands her because to her abuse felt like love. Since Lea does not see herself to be deserving of something great and better, she simply accepts what Jake gives her because it is the only type of love she understands. 

Our relationships need not be like Lea’s. God created us in His own image and likeness (Genesis 1:27) and therefore we deserve to enjoy the blessings that the Father may bestow upon us. We are already cleansed and saved by the blood of his Son, Jesus Christ (1 John 4:9-10) and thus there is no use of beating ourselves up and settling for less. The devil does not want God’s work to succeed hence he plays with our minds and filling our heads with ideas designed to make us see ourselves less than who we really are. We must learn to see ourselves not the way other people see us but the way God sees us. God looks at us beyond our sins and cracks, beyond our imperfections and shortcomings. We are far less than His Son but He loves us nonetheless. We push Him away, yet He stays because He sees more than what others or we see ourselves.

Many of us are in search for the right person instead of working to be the right person. We need to learn to love ourselves enough first to determine what we deserve. We must be that love that we think we deserve.

We must learn to love ourselves – love ourselves enough to walk away from people who do not see our real worth. We must love ourselves enough not to settle for less. We must love ourselves enough to accept ourselves – broken, wounded and scarred and not to change it just to please another. We must love ourselves to admit that we are only humans capable of making mistakes and even more capable of correcting those mistakes. We must love ourselves enough to choose the people who also choose us as well. We must love ourselves enough to choose our own happiness.

Remember that God has plans for us, plans to prosper and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). With this we must bear in mind that we deserve best and God does not want it any other way.

Credits:

Ideas from the talk during THE FEAST DAVAO- 28 May 2017

The articles on The Feast Newsletter/Programme written by Bro. Bo Sanchez and January Santiago

Photo from: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/loveyself

Fascinating Year Ahead!

My 27th year was probably the longest, hardest and yet the most amazing year of my life. It was composed of lots of both ups and downs — smooth and bumpy rides, yet despite of it all the path became all too familiar that it led to comfort. It became a plain routine that somehow led me to believe that a conclusive presumption exists that everything is OK — in fact too close to being perfect. However, that presumption was not actually conclusive but rather rebuttable. There are things that would make you realize and would break that seemingly perfect world into pieces.

“Where’s the fun in living without that few bumps along the way?” God must have thought.

Surely if one finds comfort in monotony then there is no pushing one’s self beyond his limits. There is no growth and there is no chance for you to become the one He intends you to be.

The following are some of the lessons I learned just before I turn 28:

  1. BE HONEST.  If you felt hurt then accept it. There is no use tricking your mind and convincing yourself that you are OK. If other people hurt you, let them know even if it would turn out that you just misunderstood them. Telling the truth is better than trying to please others. Afterall, you can really never please everyone.
  1. SAYING “NO” IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT AND MEANINGFUL AS SAYING “YES”. Just simply say “No” if you dislike something rather than say “Yes” and then you go doing things half-heartedly.
  1. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. You can never rely your happiness to someone else. Your happiness is determined by how you look at the circumstances. The glass will always be either half-empty or half-full. Always choose to believe in the positive side of every situation.
  1. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF OR YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS. You will never be satisfied with what you have if you keep on looking at what other people have on their plate. Remember, if you find the need to compare, compare your life to those who have less.
  1. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO WHAT YOU FEEL. There is nothing wrong in being sad or broken. These things help us become better individuals. Never allow people to belittle your feelings. Never allow others to tell you what you should and should not feel.
  1. MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY “OK”. Never say things are alright with you even if they are really not. You will regret it in the end. Remember Lesson Number 1.
  1. IGNORING THE PROBLEM WILL NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY. Letting issues pass by with hopes that it will just magically disappear will not solve it. It will just pile up until one day you will realize it took a toll on you. Acknowledging the problem’s existence and confronting it head-on is the way to do it.
  1. LET GO. Learn to let go may it be some feeling, a thing, or a person. You cannot move forward if you keep on looking back. You cannot make someone stay if they do not want to.
  1. YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE A PERSON BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU RESPOND TO THEM. Change must be something personal and voluntary. Instead of expecting someone to change after pointing out their habits that upset you, simply change the way you respond towards the situation. More often than not, you can just let it pass.
  1. PAUSE, RESPOND NOT REACT. Before saying or doing anything after being upset by or over something, PAUSE. Understand the situation and know the proper way to address the issue at hand. Not every unpleasant scenario would require you to say or do something.
  1. EXPECTATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHES. Believe in people’s goodness but do not expect anything from them. You’d actually be surprised on how great people are if you do not expect anything from them.
  1. MARRIAGE IS UGLY. It is not the “happy-ever-after” kind of thing you read in fairy tales. Marriage requires hard-work, consistency, perseverance, understanding, faith and love to bring that “happy-ever-after” in real life.
  1. Lastly, PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS NOT SELFISHNESS. It is self-love and self-preservation. In order to love others, you must first love yourself. Remember that you cannot give what you do not have.

I have decided that my 28th year will be all about rediscovering myself and chasing my happiness. I am choosing to love people around me hence I should strive to be whole again. This year will be spent on building my dreams and serving God. This year will be about searching for inner peace and finding security in the Father’s love.

 

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Sunday Morning Ritual

Dearest HUSBAND,

I never liked Sundays. For me it is the most boring day of the week! Y’know, there are no great TV shows on Sunday.

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I now LOVE sundays! Sundays allow me to do one GREAT thing with you.

The very firt time I attended a Sunday Worship Service at Pagadian City Alliance Church (PCAC) is already imprinted in my memory. It was a dawn service and a visiting pastor did the preaching. He spoke about God and human’s love. He talked about the ways of showing love to your loved ones and to others. That day I knew it would not be the first and the last time I would attend their services.

I am born and raised in Catholic faith. Never in my entire life that I doubted God’s existence. However, I also did not have that great relationship with the Man above. Many friends have been inviting me to “try” their church and I always try to find excuses why I can’t do so. Back then I believe that RELIGION is never and will never be the basis of your salavation.

One day, I decided to avail one invitation and BOOM! Perhaps it was God’s way of reaching out to me. My first visit at PCAC was followed by many more services. I tried attending dawn, regular and youth services from then on.

The Church’s services taught me a lot of things — from the wonders of God’s love up to creating a Christian community. I wanted to become part of such community and I wanted YOU to be part of it as well. I invited you countless times, I even offered a bargain yet you always say “NO”.

I stopped badgering you. I prayed for you instead. I have been praying for you since we started dating, but that time, I started praying that one day you’d give it a “try” and when you do, God will just miraculously do all the work to make sure it won’t be the last.

It took years.
Iwanted to give up
I wanted to stop praying.
“Perhaps you’ll never exercise the same faith as I do”, so I thought.
But God is so amazing.
Just when I decided to stop hoping you’d join me, the message of the service is about being faithful — being faithful in everything you do — including your prayers.
Hence I continued praying for you.

One night, one invitation came. I thought you’d say No like you always do. But boy was I wrong! You said YES. And I was so happy. I prayed that night that the service the following day would be great so you’d be encouraged to come back a week after — just like me during my first service.

Sunday came. I wrote on my prayer intentions that may it be the first of the many sunday worships we’d attend together. You still came to church with us sunday after that. It was even followed by more services. My heart is filled with joy. Finally, God heard my prayer.

Now, it is YOU who reminds me to prepare for the Sunday service and I am very much grateful for that. I dread Sundays before since it only means Monday’s coming. Who would have thought I’d love sundays more than any other day of the week.

                         ***********
Indeed God works in mysterious ways! Who would have thought that one invitation would change everything!

HE may not answer your prayers right away but believe that HE will in HIS perfect time. Even if it feels like HE is not listening, continue to pray for one day you will just get the answer you have been waiting for.

All Purpose

Have you ever experienced being at the right place at the right time whether to help or just to be spared from harm?

Were you just lucky or is there something more?

Do you believe in angels?

“You’re timing is just perfect!” so I’ve been told countless of times. I was there when a friend got his car hit and does not know how to decline the offer to settle. I do not know how to decline an offer either, but my presence was a moral booster, y’know.

I was there when a friend needed someone to do some serious talking with her husband. Just to be clear, it was not I who did the talking  — it was my husband. We were there however because I decided to come late. It was late and yet our timing was perfect.

I was there when he was about to be tempted, not just once but for a couple of times actually. Looking back, it caused fights but thinking about it now, if I was not there he might have folded and gave in.

Who would even thought that being late may spare one from harm? Just because I took time to prepare for a night out and thus causing delay to our friends, one got to find out her car brakes were busted. Had I went to the meeting up place as scheduled, she may have drove it fast like she used to and it would be late for her to know that her brakes were defective.

Now, was I there because I just happen to be there? or something more?

When I was young, I used to pray “Angel of God” before going to bed. Then I grew up and thought that angels were not real or if they are indeed real, they just look after the kids. Now, I do believe in angels. I do not know what they look like but I choose to believe in them just like how I believe in God.

Paulo Coelho’s “Valkyries” reminded me of them. The book which was based on his journey to see his angel made me realize that there is no such thing as coincidence — we happen to be at a certain place at a particular time simply because we are actually meant to be there.

We took the usual route from Kumalarang just because I refuse to get home that fast which led us to see our friend with her car (which was hit) on the side of the road. We dropped by a friend’s house so late at night and when after people had left because I felt the urge to be there even after I declined the invitation and because of it our husbands got into some serious talk. I happen to follow my husband, who was my boyfriend at that time, because a voice says so and I happen to know where to find him despite the odds. I took time to prepare for a night out just because it felt that it was the right thing to do and it was! Of all those instances, I was not there just because I want to but because I was actually meant to be there! These things were little miracles —  maybe not for me but for the people we have touched and I am glad to be God’s instrument.

So the next time you encounter delay or felt the urge to take a different route (to work or home), PRAY. Your guardian angel might be telling you something so you can be safe or perhaps save someone else.