An Open Letter to the Woman Who Seem to Despise Me So Much..

 

You were so mad at me that you wanted to ruin my life. You spewed angry words at me — words filled with such venomous rage.

If I were my early 2016 self I would have responded to you with even deadlier words and would have torn you apart. I may be small but I sure do know how to break a person’s ego. I did that to my husband, I cannot see why I can’t do the same to you.

But you see, I am no longer that person. I have taken a good look at myself in the mirror after that incident with you and saw how much of a horrible monster I turned out to be. I was broken and I need someone to blame. I was hurt and thus I also hurt other people. But you see, I have learned that I can never fix my brokenness with rage. I cannot also expect other people to fix the problems I got myself into. Only I can patch things up. Only love can make me whole again and with that I  made it my mission to become better — to be worthy of the love and respect that people may offer — to be clean and right before the Father’s eyes.

As much as I wanted to insult you, I can’t. And although I failed to handle the situation with class, I can still give myself credit for not disrespecting you in anyway.

You berated me and as much as I wanted to respond to you in the same manner, I chose not to. I cannot for now I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU. You have all the right to despise me because after all the love and care you have shown me, I blamed you for the mess I got myself in to.

You hate me this much because at some point you also loved me this much. And I loved you too. You were like my older sister and I look up to you. You treated me like a family yet I seemed to have thrown it away in just a blink of an eye.

In my journey of fixing myself and finding inner peace, I actually learned that how we perceive people speaks more of who we really are. That is how I keep my cool and not lose my shit despite everything you just said to me. For one, all you said about me were not true. And I also begin to understand that you are not completely mad at me. You are simply mad at something you see in me that you may also have in you; or something that I have that you think I do not deserve. You see, we tend to see our reflections on people. Oftentimes we hate people because they show us things we refuse to see in ourselves. I hated my husband for not honoring his commitment, but I too, at several instances failed to keep my promises to him and to others. I hate waiting but I actually also make other people wait. I hated you before because I can see how cool you can be (and I will never be as cool as you) and my husband seems to enjoy your company more than mine. Also, there are times that we dislike them for having something which we wish we also have.

I have everything handed to me. I get what I want without having to lift a finger and maybe that is why you hate me so much. My husband left me but it never seemed like he did. He still gives me everything I want and he still makes little efforts to make me comfortable. Something, I believe, that you wish your husband will do the same for you. You work your ass off to live a comfortable life while I did not have to do anything and still get things my way.

You fear that when I succeed with all my plans I will get even — I will take revenge. But you see, it is just all in your head. I cannot blame you though. Perhaps because if you put yourself in my shoes, you will surely get back on the people who have hurt you. My old self will perhaps do the same. But I am not that person anymore. I realized that there are so many beautiful things in life that has to be enjoyed. Staying bitter and miserable is simply a waste of time. In fact, when I get to fulfill my dreams, I will make myself busy enjoying the fruits of my hard work and surely I will no longer have time to get back on people, who, I believed have hurt me. For what it’s worth, if I succeed, I have you all to thank for.

Who am I to judge, yet perhaps also one of the reasons you might want to look in to in order to know why you hate me is because you cannot seem to fathom how I can be so happy and at peace despite being left by the love of my life. While you, on the other hand, was the one who left your love and you strongly believe it was the right decision and yet maybe you cannot seem to find peace. How I manage to stand up after I fell is actually a complex process but it all boils down to letting God take control and forgiving myself for everything that I did which led to the break up. I can never unlove my husband and I learned to accept that. Perhaps the realization that love is not about possession is one of the reasons why I was able to just live my life. My faith in God that He is always in control helps me sleep soundly at night.

I have learned from my previous mistakes. I have learned to own up to everything I did wrong. And if there is anything that I need to admit, it is the fact that I trusted some people and I told them how I felt instead of telling you directly what was bothering me. I never really gave it a thought that they may misinterpret what I say and spin it into something different. I was so immature, selfish and stupid back then. With that, I AM REALLY SORRY.

I am sorry I am not miserable as you hoped I would be. You probably wish I am, thinking I deserve it after everything that you believe I did to you. I never bad mouth-ed you to anyone, or at least it was not my intention. I should have been smart enough to realize that people can give that a different meaning. I am sorry I judged you and I am sorry I broke your heart.

As someone I once loved, I wish you will find a way to heal the wounds I and other people have caused you. You deserve to be happier than you are now and I pray that you will be able to forgive yourself for the decisions you may feel you did wrong and give yourself a chance to start anew. You are a wonderful person and you deserve more peace and love just like everyone else.

Sincerely, I pray that God will bring you the additional loads of peace and comfort He has given you and me the past years.

Wishing you all the best.

 

 

 

 

In silence and stillness..

When you left, the entire place became silent. My whole world fell silent.

It is deafening.

It drove me mad.

Killer thoughts in my head that were once just whispers became loud tormenting screams in my silence.

In my silence I suffered a lot.

But my silence brought a lot of realizations.

After months of struggling with my ordeal, I came to know that silence is not so bad. In fact, silence can actually be full of love and tranquil.

Today, I am choosing to be silent not because I stopped loving you or because I am giving up on us. I am simply taking my vow of silence to give you the space you need to grow. I am giving you the space you need in order for you to become who you wished you would be. I am giving you the space to actually think what you want from life and from me.

My silence simply means I am fine. I am staying still because I have faith. I have faith that if we are indeed meant for each other, fate will work its way to bring us back together and if we are not, then maybe someday we will meet the persons we deserve along the way.

Let it be known that in my silence I am missing you. I am missing you every second of every minute of every day. But let it also be known that I choose not to tell you this because I know it will not change anything and because I know that you know.

In my silence and in my stillness please know that I am always here when you wish to reach out; that I will still answer the phone when you call; or would unlock the doors when you come knocking.

My silence simply means that you are in my mind but in a quiet way now. You will always be in my mind – in the early morning when everyone is still sound asleep and in the late nights when no one is up. I think about you now with my mind at ease.

I choose to be still because I am now submitting to our fate. I am now surrendering to the different roads we are on and to the different outlooks we have. I am now submitting myself to no other than the present because that is all I can guarantee and can control.

In my silence let it be known that I am happy – I am happy even if what we had was short. It was short and sweet but we also no longer have anything to talk about.

I will always remember your smile, your jokes, your laugh, your looks and your secrets. I will remember your scent and the weight of your arms wrapped around me when we sleep next to each other. I will always remember the simplicity of it all before destiny took another turn.

In my silence I learned that I need some time alone too. I need time to understand why good people will cross our path and leave so soon. In my silence I will try to discover the mystery behind perfect timing and if there is indeed such a thing. In my silence I will try to understand that I have no one but myself because people will simply come and go.

My silence does not mean I am letting the idea of “us” go. It simply means that I’m taking time away from the light you shine in my world. I will not take you out of my heart and out of my mind, but I will allow myself to get used to your absence and learn to live my life the way I did before you came along.

My silence does not mean it is the end. My silence simply means I am close but also far away; I am here but I am not, and I am conscious but also oblivious. My silence simply means “till we meet again” and not farewell.

He Asked for Some “Space”, What Should I Do?

I was dumbfounded. He came home one night and coldly said, “Sweetheart, I don’t think things are going well for the both of us. I need space from the relationship. I need time to sort things through.” The next day, he was gone.

His statement just caught me by surprise. I know our relationship was on the rocks for the past months, but I felt like things were getting better for both of us recently. We rarely fight for the past weeks.

I do not understand what happened. I wanted to know what ticked him off. I keep on wracking my brain in figuring out what I did wrong – what made him leave. When I asked him why he is doing this he simply repeated what he said that night, “I need time to sort things out.”

You may have heard the same thing from your partner or spouse, and just like me all the “Why’s” without any answer may be killing you right now. I am determined to do everything to win my man back however there are things that I must also understand about the whole situation.

Presently, you may be feeling the same way I did when my man dropped that bomb on me. You may also be searching for means to change your partner’s mind. Perhaps you may even be dealing with fear or worry that this separation, instead of doing good, may only lead to permanent break-up or divorce. You may feel that you do not have the power to change what is going on, and I tell you right now that it is okay.

At this point I want you to understand something. I want you to understand that there are really things that are beyond our control and stressing over it will not do any good. You cannot force your partner to stay with you and there are really things in your love relationship or marriage that will not happen in a particular way you wanted to.

Then again I want you to know that there are also things around you that are within your power to change. There are actually things that you can DO to turn things around. First is to decide how to handle the devastating news from your loved one. Next, you can make a conscious choice on what you should do during this time of space and separation. Below are some of the things you can do in dealing with such difficult phase in the relationship.

#1. Let your feelings flow. You are confused. You are in pain. You miss him. You cry. All of these things are completely normal. It is completely okay to be sad. Who wouldn’t be sad? The person whom you shared a part of your soul just decided to leave without any concrete explanation; of course you’ll get sad and get hurt. Cry your heart out – alone or to a friend, this will let you get through the pain. However, do not let it drag for too long. You need to make a conscious effort to stand up and be happy again.

#2. Find a support group. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and valued like your family and friends. These people will help lift your spirits up and fill that hole your partner left you with their love. This separation may also be a great venue for you to reconnect with some old friends from your hometown or previous schools.

#3. Set the “ground rules”. It is true that your partner was the one who needed space but it does not mean that you do not have a say on the situation. You cannot make him stay with you but you can request that you both would sit down and set some “ground rules”.

You both can agree on arrangements involving things like: fidelity, financial matters, child care issues, how much contact with one another, etc. You may even agree on the specific period of separation and after such time you may come together to talk and make decisions about the relationship.

#4. Take care of yourself. Yes your partner broke you but can actually decide how far he can break you. If you want him back, you should show him that you are a strong and confident woman. Your man is going through a tough time right now and the least he needs is another liability. Do not be that liability.

Instead of lying on the bed the entire day and crying your heart out, choose to get up and eat right. Drink plenty of water. Get yourself moving. Proper diet and exercise do magic in the body. It boosts your mood and confidence. Also remember to get enough sleep to avoid those horrifying eye bags.

#5. Get some make over; pamper yourself. Finding some soothing music, engaging yourself to some bubble bath or treating yourself for a massage are just some of the things you can do to pamper yourself.

Getting a makeover does not also have to be expensive. In fact, you really do not have to change everything about you. As simple as changing your hairstyle, getting your nails done and tweaking your wardrobe will have a huge effect on you. It will help you find the confidence you lost when your man decided to walk out the door.

 

#6. Challenge yourself. Make a list of the things you wanted to do. Did you ever wish to learn how to speak Spanish? Or play the piano? Or how to surf? This is the right time to do all these things to help you change your focus besides him.

#7. Stay at the present. It is natural to think of the “what if’s” about the relationship. More often than not these predictions that we have are fueled by our fears and thus would not be helpful.

 It will be very helpful for you if you simply stay at the present. You may not like what you are feeling at the moment but try to stay at the present anyway. This will help you appreciate the little things that are going around you. Being at the present also helps you to properly respond to what is happening based on what you actually know and not what you are imagining.

#8. Become a better partner by becoming a better person. Believe me, you need this space as much as your partner. Take this time to reflect and work on yourself. Your partner asking for some space does not mean that it is only you who should be blamed for the fall. However, it is important to assess yourself and take responsibility over the things which led to your relationship’s challenges. This separation could be a great way to learn how to carry yourself when you get jealous, annoyed or angry.

These things will not assure you that you will win your man back, however bear in mind that if you do the things listed above you could actually benefit from it. You may not win him back but at least you are now okay and totally confident with yourself.

As you start to face the harsh truths about your habits, you can also assess the entire relationship. You can now examine the pattern of behaviors you and your partner have and contemplate if they are healthy and desirable. Give yourself the freedom to decide whether keeping the relationship is a good idea for the two of you.

If you face self-doubts always go back to the things that you CAN DO at the moment. A dose of confidence and feeling of empowerment can help you in making requests, acquire agreements and making sound decision that will serve you better.