An Open Letter to the Woman Who Seem to Despise Me So Much..

 

You were so mad at me that you wanted to ruin my life. You spewed angry words at me — words filled with such venomous rage.

If I were my early 2016 self I would have responded to you with even deadlier words and would have torn you apart. I may be small but I sure do know how to break a person’s ego. I did that to my husband, I cannot see why I can’t do the same to you.

But you see, I am no longer that person. I have taken a good look at myself in the mirror after that incident with you and saw how much of a horrible monster I turned out to be. I was broken and I need someone to blame. I was hurt and thus I also hurt other people. But you see, I have learned that I can never fix my brokenness with rage. I cannot also expect other people to fix the problems I got myself into. Only I can patch things up. Only love can make me whole again and with that I  made it my mission to become better — to be worthy of the love and respect that people may offer — to be clean and right before the Father’s eyes.

As much as I wanted to insult you, I can’t. And although I failed to handle the situation with class, I can still give myself credit for not disrespecting you in anyway.

You berated me and as much as I wanted to respond to you in the same manner, I chose not to. I cannot for now I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU. You have all the right to despise me because after all the love and care you have shown me, I blamed you for the mess I got myself in to.

You hate me this much because at some point you also loved me this much. And I loved you too. You were like my older sister and I look up to you. You treated me like a family yet I seemed to have thrown it away in just a blink of an eye.

In my journey of fixing myself and finding inner peace, I actually learned that how we perceive people speaks more of who we really are. That is how I keep my cool and not lose my shit despite everything you just said to me. For one, all you said about me were not true. And I also begin to understand that you are not completely mad at me. You are simply mad at something you see in me that you may also have in you; or something that I have that you think I do not deserve. You see, we tend to see our reflections on people. Oftentimes we hate people because they show us things we refuse to see in ourselves. I hated my husband for not honoring his commitment, but I too, at several instances failed to keep my promises to him and to others. I hate waiting but I actually also make other people wait. I hated you before because I can see how cool you can be (and I will never be as cool as you) and my husband seems to enjoy your company more than mine. Also, there are times that we dislike them for having something which we wish we also have.

I have everything handed to me. I get what I want without having to lift a finger and maybe that is why you hate me so much. My husband left me but it never seemed like he did. He still gives me everything I want and he still makes little efforts to make me comfortable. Something, I believe, that you wish your husband will do the same for you. You work your ass off to live a comfortable life while I did not have to do anything and still get things my way.

You fear that when I succeed with all my plans I will get even — I will take revenge. But you see, it is just all in your head. I cannot blame you though. Perhaps because if you put yourself in my shoes, you will surely get back on the people who have hurt you. My old self will perhaps do the same. But I am not that person anymore. I realized that there are so many beautiful things in life that has to be enjoyed. Staying bitter and miserable is simply a waste of time. In fact, when I get to fulfill my dreams, I will make myself busy enjoying the fruits of my hard work and surely I will no longer have time to get back on people, who, I believed have hurt me. For what it’s worth, if I succeed, I have you all to thank for.

Who am I to judge, yet perhaps also one of the reasons you might want to look in to in order to know why you hate me is because you cannot seem to fathom how I can be so happy and at peace despite being left by the love of my life. While you, on the other hand, was the one who left your love and you strongly believe it was the right decision and yet maybe you cannot seem to find peace. How I manage to stand up after I fell is actually a complex process but it all boils down to letting God take control and forgiving myself for everything that I did which led to the break up. I can never unlove my husband and I learned to accept that. Perhaps the realization that love is not about possession is one of the reasons why I was able to just live my life. My faith in God that He is always in control helps me sleep soundly at night.

I have learned from my previous mistakes. I have learned to own up to everything I did wrong. And if there is anything that I need to admit, it is the fact that I trusted some people and I told them how I felt instead of telling you directly what was bothering me. I never really gave it a thought that they may misinterpret what I say and spin it into something different. I was so immature, selfish and stupid back then. With that, I AM REALLY SORRY.

I am sorry I am not miserable as you hoped I would be. You probably wish I am, thinking I deserve it after everything that you believe I did to you. I never bad mouth-ed you to anyone, or at least it was not my intention. I should have been smart enough to realize that people can give that a different meaning. I am sorry I judged you and I am sorry I broke your heart.

As someone I once loved, I wish you will find a way to heal the wounds I and other people have caused you. You deserve to be happier than you are now and I pray that you will be able to forgive yourself for the decisions you may feel you did wrong and give yourself a chance to start anew. You are a wonderful person and you deserve more peace and love just like everyone else.

Sincerely, I pray that God will bring you the additional loads of peace and comfort He has given you and me the past years.

Wishing you all the best.

 

 

 

 

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Fascinating Year Ahead!

My 27th year was probably the longest, hardest and yet the most amazing year of my life. It was composed of lots of both ups and downs — smooth and bumpy rides, yet despite of it all the path became all too familiar that it led to comfort. It became a plain routine that somehow led me to believe that a conclusive presumption exists that everything is OK — in fact too close to being perfect. However, that presumption was not actually conclusive but rather rebuttable. There are things that would make you realize and would break that seemingly perfect world into pieces.

“Where’s the fun in living without that few bumps along the way?” God must have thought.

Surely if one finds comfort in monotony then there is no pushing one’s self beyond his limits. There is no growth and there is no chance for you to become the one He intends you to be.

The following are some of the lessons I learned just before I turn 28:

  1. BE HONEST.  If you felt hurt then accept it. There is no use tricking your mind and convincing yourself that you are OK. If other people hurt you, let them know even if it would turn out that you just misunderstood them. Telling the truth is better than trying to please others. Afterall, you can really never please everyone.
  1. SAYING “NO” IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT AND MEANINGFUL AS SAYING “YES”. Just simply say “No” if you dislike something rather than say “Yes” and then you go doing things half-heartedly.
  1. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. You can never rely your happiness to someone else. Your happiness is determined by how you look at the circumstances. The glass will always be either half-empty or half-full. Always choose to believe in the positive side of every situation.
  1. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF OR YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS. You will never be satisfied with what you have if you keep on looking at what other people have on their plate. Remember, if you find the need to compare, compare your life to those who have less.
  1. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO WHAT YOU FEEL. There is nothing wrong in being sad or broken. These things help us become better individuals. Never allow people to belittle your feelings. Never allow others to tell you what you should and should not feel.
  1. MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY “OK”. Never say things are alright with you even if they are really not. You will regret it in the end. Remember Lesson Number 1.
  1. IGNORING THE PROBLEM WILL NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY. Letting issues pass by with hopes that it will just magically disappear will not solve it. It will just pile up until one day you will realize it took a toll on you. Acknowledging the problem’s existence and confronting it head-on is the way to do it.
  1. LET GO. Learn to let go may it be some feeling, a thing, or a person. You cannot move forward if you keep on looking back. You cannot make someone stay if they do not want to.
  1. YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE A PERSON BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU RESPOND TO THEM. Change must be something personal and voluntary. Instead of expecting someone to change after pointing out their habits that upset you, simply change the way you respond towards the situation. More often than not, you can just let it pass.
  1. PAUSE, RESPOND NOT REACT. Before saying or doing anything after being upset by or over something, PAUSE. Understand the situation and know the proper way to address the issue at hand. Not every unpleasant scenario would require you to say or do something.
  1. EXPECTATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHES. Believe in people’s goodness but do not expect anything from them. You’d actually be surprised on how great people are if you do not expect anything from them.
  1. MARRIAGE IS UGLY. It is not the “happy-ever-after” kind of thing you read in fairy tales. Marriage requires hard-work, consistency, perseverance, understanding, faith and love to bring that “happy-ever-after” in real life.
  1. Lastly, PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS NOT SELFISHNESS. It is self-love and self-preservation. In order to love others, you must first love yourself. Remember that you cannot give what you do not have.

I have decided that my 28th year will be all about rediscovering myself and chasing my happiness. I am choosing to love people around me hence I should strive to be whole again. This year will be spent on building my dreams and serving God. This year will be about searching for inner peace and finding security in the Father’s love.

 

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Magis

Magis

 

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“Behind every successful man is a woman” so they say. But this case is different. Behind his success is himself. I am just there to cheer and pray for him all the way.

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Being friends with my Husband AJ, I knew he is destined to do great things. He is one humble man who, despite meager resources, managed to stand out wherever he is placed. I’ve known him to be dedicated, passionate and hard-working. I’ve seen him get engrossed over something to the point where he losses sleep just to get it done. He is the type of person who never gives up until the task assigned to him is accomplished. Thus, I knew he can always make better of himself.

He may be modest in stating that they’re efforts were nothing compared to those who really goes to school and attend Masteral lectures every weekend, yet I disagree. They have exerted similar efforts when it comes to completing their theses. I have witnessed him stay up late just to study and finish a report. He did try his best to finish his assignments just like a regular student would.

Hunny, you may not be as brilliant as your classmates (as you say) but it does not mean that you do not deserve the degree you have earned. You have worked for it hence you deserve it as much as your other classmates. And I am really proud of who you are and what you’ve become. Just as what Sir T said before, “you are a diamond in the rough” and I am glad to have seen you turn from such raw diamond to a diamond with cleaner cuts and such brilliance. Continue to sharpen your edges since you are meant to glow like a million-dollar diamond. I am really proud of you.

As you face life, remember your class salutatorian’s speech:
STAY FOCUSED. BE PREPARED. FACE THE STORM.

To God be the Glory!

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First of the many…

 

Bana kong pinangga,

Kahibalo ko nga wa ka nasayod na kada-lantaw nako sa atoang “wedding ring” kay maka-smile ako ug ginakilig. Dili gayud masukod ang akong kalipay na ikaw ang akong kapikas sa kinabuhi.

Kaganinang sayo sa buntag, samtang si Pastor kay ga-wali sa mga tudlo sa Ginoo, iya gayud gi-emphasize na ang Valentine’s Day kay di (lamang) para sa mga manag-uyab kung dili para (usab) sa mga MINYO. Sa katong higayona, PROUD kaayo ko nga ako minyo ug labaw nga nalipay na ako galingkod tapad sa lalaki na akong gipangayo sa Ginoo.

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Pito (7) ka-tuig ta nga mag-uyab ayha kita nakaDesisyon na magpakasal (finally) ug malamang lantaw sa uban kaning adlawa kay di na espesyal tungod kay nakaselebrar na pud kita ug daghan Valentine’s Day. Sa tinuod lang, naa sad mga higayon na ako makaHuna-huna ug unsa pa ba ang pwede nato mahimo duha para maMantinar ang excitement, desire and fun sa atong panang-uban. Lisud na kaayo maghuna-huna pa tungod na sab kay halos ato na nasuwayan tanan (laag, kaon, adventure, etc). Apan, naka-amgo ra sad ako nga dili man kinahanglan kita magbuhat ug bag-ong mga butang aron atong ma-enjoy ang atong kaminyuon kay sa pagkatinuod lamang, tanan natong buhaton karon kay puro FIRST TIME. 🙂

And TODAY is OUR FIRST VALENTINE’s DAY as HUSBAND and WIFE. 🙂

Hunny, karong adlawa kay dili lang first Valentine’s day nato but my FIRST ROMANTIC DATE as well. 🙂

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Nasayod ka man nga wala nako nasuwayan nga (a) mugawas on a romantic date (b) on Valentine’s day ever and I just had my FIRST ROMANTIC DATE tonight. My first romantic date just the way I imagined it to be (minus the rose petals. c’mon! kalat kaha!) — EXCLUSIVE place, delicious food, romantic music (and it is on saxophone! how romantic is that?!), candles, wine and aboveall YOU (bonus na ang CAKE)!

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erset! I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET! and YES I may be the one who set the place up but without YOUR SUPPORT it will never turn out to be the way I wanted it to be. 🙂

Seriously, you made me fall for you even more. I am really one hell of a LUCKY girl! 🙂

Hunny mylabs, DAGHANG SALAMAT sa tanan. YES, with you, EVERYDAY is valentine’s day (and christmas day) PERO you pulled one hell of a show today! and because of that this day became EXTRA SPECIAL!

Coy, DAGHAN KAAYONG SALAMAT sa tanan! Sa suporta, sa gift, sa surprise ug labaw sa tanan sa walai undang sa GUGMA!

I am really looking forward to the many “FIRSTs” (definitely won’t be the last) that we will be doing together — first anniversary, first birthday (with you), first travel, first movie, first 800ml Ice Cream, first disco, and many more!

I LOVE YOU more than I love sweets! 😛

May God continue to bless you, me and our MARRIAGE! 🙂

SALAMAT!

Imung pinaka-palangga,
LUCKY

P.S. Ayuha imong surprise techniques ha? Medyo kulang pa. hahahah mwaaaah!

 

 

To the MAN who will ALWAYS have MY HEART…

“He’s not coming”, said my cousin as she entered the room with my nephew.

I felt a lump on my throat building up. I did not know how to react. I felt like bursting into tears.

“Why? He knows he has to be here.” I thought.

“He has to be here for the pictorials” that is what I managed to say while holding back my tears.

“He’ll go straight to the church – that’s what he said”, answered my cousin. “Don’t worry, he’ll be there.” She assured me.

“But then.. what about the pictorials?” I said. My voice is already cracking up “This is just once in a lifetime..”

“Hush! As if you don’t know him!” my cousin replied. “You know pretty well he is not into picture-taking and the likes”

I cannot hide my disappointment any longer. I just sat on the couch and started to sob.

“Hey! You’ll ruin the make up!” my make-up artist said jokingly.

“It’s okay, Ate” said Van, our photographer, as she consoles me, “we still have a lot of opportunities later. Just smile for now..” and then she started taking my photos.

We continued the pictorials outside our room and at the hotel’s garden. I was joined by my entire lady entourage. Couple of poses here and there. Serious poses. Wacky poses.

It was almost lunch time and since the entourage will be leaving the hotel first, they were asked to return to the room while I have more of my photos taken near the swimming pool.

Smile here. Pose there. It felt like forever. The weather is warm and I can feel my sweat creeping down my spine.

After several shots, we decided to go back to the room so I can have my lunch and leave for the church.

As I make my way to my room, I saw him there. He looked so good in his suit and he has that smirk on his face. My heart beat so fast, I ran to him and hugged him tight as tears started to fall on my cheeks.

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© The Walking Eyes

We posed for the camera for a few times and he bade goodbye as they leave for the church.

I went inside the room crying. “He came!” I said to myself.

Our make-up artist made another joke about me crying and he assured me that its ok since my make-up is waterproof.

We arrived at the church ten minutes to two. People started to arrive. I was not allowed to step out of the car. I just sat there watching everyone chit-chatting and taking selfies while waiting for the ceremony to start.

The ceremony should be at two in the afternoon. Twenty minutes past two and it has not started yet. The priest has not yet arrived! My stomach began to grumble. I am getting anxious.

It was thirty minutes past two in the afternoon that everyone started to fall in line as the ceremony is about to start. I saw you standing there. You are taking deep breathes and was anxious as I was. Again, I felt a lump on my throat. I wanted to burst into tears again, but I know I shouldn’t – I am about to walk down the aisle for F’s Sake!

Minutes later, I was standing behind closed doors — waiting the cue for that so-called-GRAND-ENTRANCE. The “Here Comes The Bride” was played.

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© The Walking Eyes

 

The doors opened. I saw you standing there looking at me.

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© The Walking Eyes

I wanted to run towards you and hug you tight, but of course I have to “savor the moment” as they say. When I am just few feet away from where you were standing, I cannot hold back my tears anymore. I cried. I get to understand everything. That moment I understood that I am no longer your “girl”; I will no longer be with you because I am going to make my own family together with my husband. That moment I realized how much of a Papa’s girl I am.

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©The Walking Eyes

The ceremony went smoothly. Pictures were taken and we moved to the reception venue.

Minutes after the program started, we had our Father-Daughter dance. That dance might be the “FIRST” and I am hoping it won’t still be the last. It was one of the greatest moments during the entire “event”.

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©The Walking Eyes

During the wedding, I have realized how lucky I was to be your daughter. Despite the meager resources, you were able to hand us reasonable amount for the celebration. We have never been a perfect family but I could not ask for more. Since Mama passed away, I saw how you worked hard in order to provide for my younger siblings. We may fight a lot but that did not change how much I love you; that moment allowed me to appreciate our family even more—that moment allowed me to admire you even more. That night, I knew that YOU will always be the MAN who will ALWAYS have my heart.

Sunday Morning Ritual

Dearest HUSBAND,

I never liked Sundays. For me it is the most boring day of the week! Y’know, there are no great TV shows on Sunday.

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I now LOVE sundays! Sundays allow me to do one GREAT thing with you.

The very firt time I attended a Sunday Worship Service at Pagadian City Alliance Church (PCAC) is already imprinted in my memory. It was a dawn service and a visiting pastor did the preaching. He spoke about God and human’s love. He talked about the ways of showing love to your loved ones and to others. That day I knew it would not be the first and the last time I would attend their services.

I am born and raised in Catholic faith. Never in my entire life that I doubted God’s existence. However, I also did not have that great relationship with the Man above. Many friends have been inviting me to “try” their church and I always try to find excuses why I can’t do so. Back then I believe that RELIGION is never and will never be the basis of your salavation.

One day, I decided to avail one invitation and BOOM! Perhaps it was God’s way of reaching out to me. My first visit at PCAC was followed by many more services. I tried attending dawn, regular and youth services from then on.

The Church’s services taught me a lot of things — from the wonders of God’s love up to creating a Christian community. I wanted to become part of such community and I wanted YOU to be part of it as well. I invited you countless times, I even offered a bargain yet you always say “NO”.

I stopped badgering you. I prayed for you instead. I have been praying for you since we started dating, but that time, I started praying that one day you’d give it a “try” and when you do, God will just miraculously do all the work to make sure it won’t be the last.

It took years.
Iwanted to give up
I wanted to stop praying.
“Perhaps you’ll never exercise the same faith as I do”, so I thought.
But God is so amazing.
Just when I decided to stop hoping you’d join me, the message of the service is about being faithful — being faithful in everything you do — including your prayers.
Hence I continued praying for you.

One night, one invitation came. I thought you’d say No like you always do. But boy was I wrong! You said YES. And I was so happy. I prayed that night that the service the following day would be great so you’d be encouraged to come back a week after — just like me during my first service.

Sunday came. I wrote on my prayer intentions that may it be the first of the many sunday worships we’d attend together. You still came to church with us sunday after that. It was even followed by more services. My heart is filled with joy. Finally, God heard my prayer.

Now, it is YOU who reminds me to prepare for the Sunday service and I am very much grateful for that. I dread Sundays before since it only means Monday’s coming. Who would have thought I’d love sundays more than any other day of the week.

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Indeed God works in mysterious ways! Who would have thought that one invitation would change everything!

HE may not answer your prayers right away but believe that HE will in HIS perfect time. Even if it feels like HE is not listening, continue to pray for one day you will just get the answer you have been waiting for.