I Forgive You..

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” -Matthew 18:21-22

Dear Husband,

There as so many things that I do not know about myself, but among the things that I do know is the fact that I often find it difficult to forgive people who have hurt me and caused me a lot of pain. When our paths crossed and I fell in love with you I thought I have already learned to forgive since I often forgive you when you happen to hurt me multiple of times. Sadly, it wasn’t what I thought it should be.

You see, when you forgive people you have to forgive them unconditionally. When you forgive, you just have to give it and let it go — not making count nor use it as ammo for the next big fight.

When you left and I decided to redirect my life into serving God, I came to know how to forgive. It was totally difficult at first. I must surrender my pride and humble myself in order to forgive myself from everything I committed which led to our separation. It took guts to examine who I really am and see the monster I have turned to be. It also took a lot of guts to forgive you and accept the fact that you just made a decision which you deem best for yourself and for both of us. It hurts at first but as I move on with life and get to know God more I came to understand why and I have learned to be thankful for it.

We were good until last Saturday when you allowed your “friend” to use your facebook account and talk to me in the meanest way one can ever imagine. She definitely threw a temper tantrum and started to spew venom everywhere — basically all of it was aimed to me. You see, I moved back to my hometown with hopes of changing my fate and getting a fresh start in life. I really thought you have already understood that. We were good until you and your friends decided to accuse me of something that I did not do. Have you forgotten, dear husband, that it is not only I who know all your schemes? In fact I am even amazed that other people know more things about you than I do. It seemed like I even married a man totally different from who you really are. The truth is, whatever you and your “friend” do with your lives — I don’t really care! So why did you decide to drag me into the mess that you are now in to?

My faith has thought me to be kind to everyone and that is what I am trying to do everyday. I am also learning to believe in the goodness of people and have faith in humanity. Hence, even if you left me which totally destroyed my trust in you, I tried to focus my attention to the goodness I have known that you possess and just relied on it. I do believe in my heart that the man I married is a good man. Yet, what happened made me wonder what things you reported to your friends were? Did you even share to them conversations that should be just between us? Do you really allow her to read your messages?! So is there really something going on with you and your cute friend since she has access to your account? I wish these questions will be answered but again, I’d rather not know to spare myself from the pain.

Dear husband, after going through the kind of pain that I went through I have known better. I have learned not to ask you questions I am not prepared to hear the answers. I have learned not to mind your business or ask people what you are up to so as to spare myself from possible pain. Husband dear, I am not as stupid as you thought I am. I may be crazy but I know how to love myself and to take care of myself. Ever since our separation all I ever cared about is to get back on my feet and take care of my mental well being. Allowing myself to still know your activities will only drive me crazy and it is something that I’d rather not turn to be.

Husband, have you ever known me to lie? Did I even believe that rumors when it reached me? Isn’t it that I came to you right after to confirm its truthfulness? I may question you from time to time but did I ever go to other people and confirm the validity of such issues when I do not even know the facts myself? How come I was the first person you thought would do such horrible thing to you? Do you realize how much will it cost me if you lose your job? Above all, do you have any idea how much it hurts?

But it was done. You allowed your righteous and know it all friend to meddle with our affairs. I may be hurting and I may be angry but I will still choose to do the right thing. Husband, I will tell you now that I FORGIVE YOU. I forgive you for being weak. I forgive you for not trusting me and I forgive you for allowing other people to talk to me that way.

I forgive you and I am letting this go. Not for you or for your friends but for my sake. This is how I am able to sleep soundly at night. I am hoping you will soon find the peace that I have already found.

 

Wishing you all the best,

Your soon to be ex-wife.

 

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If we were still together..

If we were still together..

 

February 13th, a day before Valentine’s Day.

If we were still together, I would have spent this day planning for tomorrow’s special day.

If we were still together, I would have spent this day researching for a fancy menu for tomorrow’s dinner.

If we were still together, I would have spent this day making a romantic playlist to go with that fancy dinner.

If we were still together, I would have spent this day figuring out the outfit I would wear to make you admire me more.

If we were still together, I would have spent this day making a funny valentine card that I can give you.

If we were still together, tomorrow would have been our second valentine’s day as married couple.

But we are no longer together.

You walked out the door nine months ago.

And I am left here with nothing much to do for tomorrow.

It is such a great feeling not to be subjected to any stress or pressure of making tomorrow special.

But you know what?

I would gladly welcome the stress and pressure if it would mean spending Valentine’s day with you.

Photo credits: http://data.whicdn.com/images/98166043/large.jpg

In silence and stillness..

When you left, the entire place became silent. My whole world fell silent.

It is deafening.

It drove me mad.

Killer thoughts in my head that were once just whispers became loud tormenting screams in my silence.

In my silence I suffered a lot.

But my silence brought a lot of realizations.

After months of struggling with my ordeal, I came to know that silence is not so bad. In fact, silence can actually be full of love and tranquil.

Today, I am choosing to be silent not because I stopped loving you or because I am giving up on us. I am simply taking my vow of silence to give you the space you need to grow. I am giving you the space you need in order for you to become who you wished you would be. I am giving you the space to actually think what you want from life and from me.

My silence simply means I am fine. I am staying still because I have faith. I have faith that if we are indeed meant for each other, fate will work its way to bring us back together and if we are not, then maybe someday we will meet the persons we deserve along the way.

Let it be known that in my silence I am missing you. I am missing you every second of every minute of every day. But let it also be known that I choose not to tell you this because I know it will not change anything and because I know that you know.

In my silence and in my stillness please know that I am always here when you wish to reach out; that I will still answer the phone when you call; or would unlock the doors when you come knocking.

My silence simply means that you are in my mind but in a quiet way now. You will always be in my mind – in the early morning when everyone is still sound asleep and in the late nights when no one is up. I think about you now with my mind at ease.

I choose to be still because I am now submitting to our fate. I am now surrendering to the different roads we are on and to the different outlooks we have. I am now submitting myself to no other than the present because that is all I can guarantee and can control.

In my silence let it be known that I am happy – I am happy even if what we had was short. It was short and sweet but we also no longer have anything to talk about.

I will always remember your smile, your jokes, your laugh, your looks and your secrets. I will remember your scent and the weight of your arms wrapped around me when we sleep next to each other. I will always remember the simplicity of it all before destiny took another turn.

In my silence I learned that I need some time alone too. I need time to understand why good people will cross our path and leave so soon. In my silence I will try to discover the mystery behind perfect timing and if there is indeed such a thing. In my silence I will try to understand that I have no one but myself because people will simply come and go.

My silence does not mean I am letting the idea of “us” go. It simply means that I’m taking time away from the light you shine in my world. I will not take you out of my heart and out of my mind, but I will allow myself to get used to your absence and learn to live my life the way I did before you came along.

My silence does not mean it is the end. My silence simply means I am close but also far away; I am here but I am not, and I am conscious but also oblivious. My silence simply means “till we meet again” and not farewell.

Magis

Magis

 

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“Behind every successful man is a woman” so they say. But this case is different. Behind his success is himself. I am just there to cheer and pray for him all the way.

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Being friends with my Husband AJ, I knew he is destined to do great things. He is one humble man who, despite meager resources, managed to stand out wherever he is placed. I’ve known him to be dedicated, passionate and hard-working. I’ve seen him get engrossed over something to the point where he losses sleep just to get it done. He is the type of person who never gives up until the task assigned to him is accomplished. Thus, I knew he can always make better of himself.

He may be modest in stating that they’re efforts were nothing compared to those who really goes to school and attend Masteral lectures every weekend, yet I disagree. They have exerted similar efforts when it comes to completing their theses. I have witnessed him stay up late just to study and finish a report. He did try his best to finish his assignments just like a regular student would.

Hunny, you may not be as brilliant as your classmates (as you say) but it does not mean that you do not deserve the degree you have earned. You have worked for it hence you deserve it as much as your other classmates. And I am really proud of who you are and what you’ve become. Just as what Sir T said before, “you are a diamond in the rough” and I am glad to have seen you turn from such raw diamond to a diamond with cleaner cuts and such brilliance. Continue to sharpen your edges since you are meant to glow like a million-dollar diamond. I am really proud of you.

As you face life, remember your class salutatorian’s speech:
STAY FOCUSED. BE PREPARED. FACE THE STORM.

To God be the Glory!

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First of the many…

 

Bana kong pinangga,

Kahibalo ko nga wa ka nasayod na kada-lantaw nako sa atoang “wedding ring” kay maka-smile ako ug ginakilig. Dili gayud masukod ang akong kalipay na ikaw ang akong kapikas sa kinabuhi.

Kaganinang sayo sa buntag, samtang si Pastor kay ga-wali sa mga tudlo sa Ginoo, iya gayud gi-emphasize na ang Valentine’s Day kay di (lamang) para sa mga manag-uyab kung dili para (usab) sa mga MINYO. Sa katong higayona, PROUD kaayo ko nga ako minyo ug labaw nga nalipay na ako galingkod tapad sa lalaki na akong gipangayo sa Ginoo.

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Pito (7) ka-tuig ta nga mag-uyab ayha kita nakaDesisyon na magpakasal (finally) ug malamang lantaw sa uban kaning adlawa kay di na espesyal tungod kay nakaselebrar na pud kita ug daghan Valentine’s Day. Sa tinuod lang, naa sad mga higayon na ako makaHuna-huna ug unsa pa ba ang pwede nato mahimo duha para maMantinar ang excitement, desire and fun sa atong panang-uban. Lisud na kaayo maghuna-huna pa tungod na sab kay halos ato na nasuwayan tanan (laag, kaon, adventure, etc). Apan, naka-amgo ra sad ako nga dili man kinahanglan kita magbuhat ug bag-ong mga butang aron atong ma-enjoy ang atong kaminyuon kay sa pagkatinuod lamang, tanan natong buhaton karon kay puro FIRST TIME. 🙂

And TODAY is OUR FIRST VALENTINE’s DAY as HUSBAND and WIFE. 🙂

Hunny, karong adlawa kay dili lang first Valentine’s day nato but my FIRST ROMANTIC DATE as well. 🙂

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Nasayod ka man nga wala nako nasuwayan nga (a) mugawas on a romantic date (b) on Valentine’s day ever and I just had my FIRST ROMANTIC DATE tonight. My first romantic date just the way I imagined it to be (minus the rose petals. c’mon! kalat kaha!) — EXCLUSIVE place, delicious food, romantic music (and it is on saxophone! how romantic is that?!), candles, wine and aboveall YOU (bonus na ang CAKE)!

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erset! I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET! and YES I may be the one who set the place up but without YOUR SUPPORT it will never turn out to be the way I wanted it to be. 🙂

Seriously, you made me fall for you even more. I am really one hell of a LUCKY girl! 🙂

Hunny mylabs, DAGHANG SALAMAT sa tanan. YES, with you, EVERYDAY is valentine’s day (and christmas day) PERO you pulled one hell of a show today! and because of that this day became EXTRA SPECIAL!

Coy, DAGHAN KAAYONG SALAMAT sa tanan! Sa suporta, sa gift, sa surprise ug labaw sa tanan sa walai undang sa GUGMA!

I am really looking forward to the many “FIRSTs” (definitely won’t be the last) that we will be doing together — first anniversary, first birthday (with you), first travel, first movie, first 800ml Ice Cream, first disco, and many more!

I LOVE YOU more than I love sweets! 😛

May God continue to bless you, me and our MARRIAGE! 🙂

SALAMAT!

Imung pinaka-palangga,
LUCKY

P.S. Ayuha imong surprise techniques ha? Medyo kulang pa. hahahah mwaaaah!

 

 

Sunday Morning Ritual

Dearest HUSBAND,

I never liked Sundays. For me it is the most boring day of the week! Y’know, there are no great TV shows on Sunday.

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I now LOVE sundays! Sundays allow me to do one GREAT thing with you.

The very firt time I attended a Sunday Worship Service at Pagadian City Alliance Church (PCAC) is already imprinted in my memory. It was a dawn service and a visiting pastor did the preaching. He spoke about God and human’s love. He talked about the ways of showing love to your loved ones and to others. That day I knew it would not be the first and the last time I would attend their services.

I am born and raised in Catholic faith. Never in my entire life that I doubted God’s existence. However, I also did not have that great relationship with the Man above. Many friends have been inviting me to “try” their church and I always try to find excuses why I can’t do so. Back then I believe that RELIGION is never and will never be the basis of your salavation.

One day, I decided to avail one invitation and BOOM! Perhaps it was God’s way of reaching out to me. My first visit at PCAC was followed by many more services. I tried attending dawn, regular and youth services from then on.

The Church’s services taught me a lot of things — from the wonders of God’s love up to creating a Christian community. I wanted to become part of such community and I wanted YOU to be part of it as well. I invited you countless times, I even offered a bargain yet you always say “NO”.

I stopped badgering you. I prayed for you instead. I have been praying for you since we started dating, but that time, I started praying that one day you’d give it a “try” and when you do, God will just miraculously do all the work to make sure it won’t be the last.

It took years.
Iwanted to give up
I wanted to stop praying.
“Perhaps you’ll never exercise the same faith as I do”, so I thought.
But God is so amazing.
Just when I decided to stop hoping you’d join me, the message of the service is about being faithful — being faithful in everything you do — including your prayers.
Hence I continued praying for you.

One night, one invitation came. I thought you’d say No like you always do. But boy was I wrong! You said YES. And I was so happy. I prayed that night that the service the following day would be great so you’d be encouraged to come back a week after — just like me during my first service.

Sunday came. I wrote on my prayer intentions that may it be the first of the many sunday worships we’d attend together. You still came to church with us sunday after that. It was even followed by more services. My heart is filled with joy. Finally, God heard my prayer.

Now, it is YOU who reminds me to prepare for the Sunday service and I am very much grateful for that. I dread Sundays before since it only means Monday’s coming. Who would have thought I’d love sundays more than any other day of the week.

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Indeed God works in mysterious ways! Who would have thought that one invitation would change everything!

HE may not answer your prayers right away but believe that HE will in HIS perfect time. Even if it feels like HE is not listening, continue to pray for one day you will just get the answer you have been waiting for.

31 Days 4 Hours 15 Minutes

31 Days 4 Hours 15 Minutes

LxATo My Husband:

Today marks the first month of our special union as husband and wife (in case you forgot.. haha). It took me almost a month to process everything and allow the thought to sink in — “YES, I AM ALREADY MARRIED”. It just felt so great to know that you are and will be spending the rest of your life with the person who you not only love but is also your friend.

Yes, our few days of being married may not be that magical as I thought it would be. We lost a dear loved one just days after we tied the knot. I have yet to process the idea that I am already tied for life and a new event came along. It was such a sad event and I could not be thankful enough that you were there to support not just me but the entire family. THANKS.

After everything, I got the chance to process everything and I am very much grateful to wake up everyday knowing that I am YOUR WIFE.

Hunny, I may not be able to do all my wife duties yet but I am trying. Please do not be hard on me. 🙂

I love you more than words can say.

xoxoxo

Your Wife