Perspective

The idea of death indeed puts everything into perspective.
And I’m not talking about the whole concept of inenvitable demise but rather actually knowing your days are numbered.

When you’re young and full of life, death seemed to be just an abstract concept. Something that is certain but also too far into the future. So you just do whatever you like because afterall you still have thousands of “tomorrows” coming.

However, as you grow old..
As noticed that you’re body can no longer do the usual stuff you do years ago..
As you crave more sleep..
As you grow weaker..
As you get more health issues, you then start to have ideas in your head on what is it like to die..

When I was younger, I used to fear death the same way I fear pain…
Death, to me, is pain and suffering..

But now, perhaps death isn’t so bad.
With the chaos and the whole health crisis, death maybe just hanging around the corner, waiting for the perfect time to snatch you.

Today’s news made me think..

Should I die, how do I want to be remembered?
Did I live a meaningful life?
Will the wrongs done to me still matter?
Will the people who hurt me still relevant?

I don’t know really.

But what I do know is I wanted to be remembered as how greatly I have loved. Because if in some ways I did make someone feel loved, then I can say I lived a meaningful life.

So yeah, death really does put things in perspective.

Photo credits: Background photo created by freepik – www.freepik.com

T.I.R.E.D.

I woke up today crying.
Brain empty.
My body felt exhausted despite getting a long and peaceful sleep.
I thought about my life.
I thought about the choices I made.
But my heart starts to ache a bit more when I thought of you.

I miss you.

And I’m tired of pretending that I don’t.
I’m tired of holding back.
I had to convince myself everyday that I’m not missing you because the moment I let myself miss you my heart gets torn apart..
.. and I can’t let my heart get torn apart all the time.
But it gets tiring.

and I’m really TIRED.

Photo credits: Background photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com

MISSING

Let’s talk about how it trully sucks to miss someone..

How your heartbreaks when you wake up and find no ‘good morning’ text..

How you feel like being stabbed when you see a video of couple face timing…

How stupid it feels to keep on checking IG or snap because ‘he probably messaged me’..

How fucked up it is to wake up at 3am because that is the time you used to talk — thanks, time difference btw.

How you cry to God to help you everytime you remember him..

13

Thirteen days that I thought would be forever..
Thirteen words I wish I could utter..
On the 13th you came and made me wonder;
And 13 times I asked: Are you for real, are you who they say is “someone better”?
Suddenly, you left without saying anything whatsoever..
Now all I want is to have you back because I realized you made me happier and better..