“No man is an island” so they say. We may tend to distance ourselves from others but the truth is we still want to belong. Humans are social creatures; we interact with others to survive. Relationships form a huge part of our lives. Most often than not, we walk on this world in search for our perfect match.

In this modern age, studies about relationships and dating strategies are very common. Books telling us how to get a date, how to attract the perfect match or how to impress a girl are available almost everywhere. Then again, why, despite the accessibility of these books, are there relationships that do not last? Why are there still many of us who are stuck in unhealthy relationships? More often than not we blame the other person. We blame the so-called-abuser. But guess what? We are equally to be blamed as well.

One of the most important reasons why we cannot seem to have healthy relationships is because we also do not have a healthy relationship with ourselves. The saying “love yourself first” may sound cliché but it in fact states the entire truth. If you really love yourself and really like yourself, it will be easier for you to attract the right person into your life.

So how do we attract the right person? There are basically THREE LAWS OF ATTRACTION. 

    1. You do not attract what you deserve, YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE. How to we see others speaks more about how we see ourselves than what or who they really are. Our perception is our reality. Consider this: Lea, who to many, is a bright, young, beautiful woman. Like any other attractive women, she has many suitors. Among them are Brad, a good man from a good family, with stable job as an architect and Jake, an alcoholic bum with temper problem. Lea’s family of course wanted Brad for her. Much to their surprise, Lea chose Jake over Brad. She stays in the relationship even if he continuously belittles her and she defends him from her family and friends by saying that they just do not see what she sees in Jake.We often see women in an abusive relationship and we wonder why she stays in such situation when in fact we know she deserves better. The truth is, just like Lea, these women (or men) may not see things that way. She stays because she believes it is simply what she deserves and she cannot and does not deserve to “wish” for more. 
      1. You do not attract who you want, YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE. Unhealthy relationships are common nowadays. Going back to the story of Lea, we wonder, how can a woman of such brains and beauty allows a man like Jake to simply walk over her. What we do not know is that long before he treated her like garbage, she already treats herself as garbage. It is not because Lea is a masochist or a martyr that she stays in such relationship. She simply stays because she believes in herself that the only person who could love her is the one who is like herself.

       

      Most common mistake many of us tend to commit nowadays is jumping into another relationship shortly after the previous one failed. When we do this, we fail to give ourselves the time to grieve and heal. If we want to attract the right person, we must know that we must never move on to another relationship without allowing our wounds to heal first. Unhealed wounds would only attract wounded persons and we enter into a relationship with expectations that such person would somehow fix us.

      1. You do not attract how you want to be treated, YOU ATTRACT HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF. It is said that people only treats you the way they see how you treat yourself. If you want someone to respect you, then you have to behave like a respectable person that you are. In Lea’s case, she accepts whatever Jake hands her because to her abuse felt like love. Since Lea does not see herself to be deserving of something great and better, she simply accepts what Jake gives her because it is the only type of love she understands. 

Our relationships need not be like Lea’s. God created us in His own image and likeness (Genesis 1:27) and therefore we deserve to enjoy the blessings that the Father may bestow upon us. We are already cleansed and saved by the blood of his Son, Jesus Christ (1 John 4:9-10) and thus there is no use of beating ourselves up and settling for less. The devil does not want God’s work to succeed hence he plays with our minds and filling our heads with ideas designed to make us see ourselves less than who we really are. We must learn to see ourselves not the way other people see us but the way God sees us. God looks at us beyond our sins and cracks, beyond our imperfections and shortcomings. We are far less than His Son but He loves us nonetheless. We push Him away, yet He stays because He sees more than what others or we see ourselves.

Many of us are in search for the right person instead of working to be the right person. We need to learn to love ourselves enough first to determine what we deserve. We must be that love that we think we deserve.

We must learn to love ourselves – love ourselves enough to walk away from people who do not see our real worth. We must love ourselves enough not to settle for less. We must love ourselves enough to accept ourselves – broken, wounded and scarred and not to change it just to please another. We must love ourselves to admit that we are only humans capable of making mistakes and even more capable of correcting those mistakes. We must love ourselves enough to choose the people who also choose us as well. We must love ourselves enough to choose our own happiness.

Remember that God has plans for us, plans to prosper and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). With this we must bear in mind that we deserve best and God does not want it any other way.

Credits:

Ideas from the talk during THE FEAST DAVAO- 28 May 2017

The articles on The Feast Newsletter/Programme written by Bro. Bo Sanchez and January Santiago

Photo from: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/loveyself

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