In silence and stillness..

When you left, the entire place became silent. My whole world fell silent.

It is deafening.

It drove me mad.

Killer thoughts in my head that were once just whispers became loud tormenting screams in my silence.

In my silence I suffered a lot.

But my silence brought a lot of realizations.

After months of struggling with my ordeal, I came to know that silence is not so bad. In fact, silence can actually be full of love and tranquil.

Today, I am choosing to be silent not because I stopped loving you or because I am giving up on us. I am simply taking my vow of silence to give you the space you need to grow. I am giving you the space you need in order for you to become who you wished you would be. I am giving you the space to actually think what you want from life and from me.

My silence simply means I am fine. I am staying still because I have faith. I have faith that if we are indeed meant for each other, fate will work its way to bring us back together and if we are not, then maybe someday we will meet the persons we deserve along the way.

Let it be known that in my silence I am missing you. I am missing you every second of every minute of every day. But let it also be known that I choose not to tell you this because I know it will not change anything and because I know that you know.

In my silence and in my stillness please know that I am always here when you wish to reach out; that I will still answer the phone when you call; or would unlock the doors when you come knocking.

My silence simply means that you are in my mind but in a quiet way now. You will always be in my mind – in the early morning when everyone is still sound asleep and in the late nights when no one is up. I think about you now with my mind at ease.

I choose to be still because I am now submitting to our fate. I am now surrendering to the different roads we are on and to the different outlooks we have. I am now submitting myself to no other than the present because that is all I can guarantee and can control.

In my silence let it be known that I am happy – I am happy even if what we had was short. It was short and sweet but we also no longer have anything to talk about.

I will always remember your smile, your jokes, your laugh, your looks and your secrets. I will remember your scent and the weight of your arms wrapped around me when we sleep next to each other. I will always remember the simplicity of it all before destiny took another turn.

In my silence I learned that I need some time alone too. I need time to understand why good people will cross our path and leave so soon. In my silence I will try to discover the mystery behind perfect timing and if there is indeed such a thing. In my silence I will try to understand that I have no one but myself because people will simply come and go.

My silence does not mean I am letting the idea of “us” go. It simply means that I’m taking time away from the light you shine in my world. I will not take you out of my heart and out of my mind, but I will allow myself to get used to your absence and learn to live my life the way I did before you came along.

My silence does not mean it is the end. My silence simply means I am close but also far away; I am here but I am not, and I am conscious but also oblivious. My silence simply means “till we meet again” and not farewell.

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