I was dumbfounded. He came home one night and coldly said, “Sweetheart, I don’t think things are going well for the both of us. I need space from the relationship. I need time to sort things through.” The next day, he was gone.
His statement just caught me by surprise. I know our relationship was on the rocks for the past months, but I felt like things were getting better for both of us recently. We rarely fight for the past weeks.
I do not understand what happened. I wanted to know what ticked him off. I keep on wracking my brain in figuring out what I did wrong – what made him leave. When I asked him why he is doing this he simply repeated what he said that night, “I need time to sort things out.”
You may have heard the same thing from your partner or spouse, and just like me all the “Why’s” without any answer may be killing you right now. I am determined to do everything to win my man back however there are things that I must also understand about the whole situation.
Presently, you may be feeling the same way I did when my man dropped that bomb on me. You may also be searching for means to change your partner’s mind. Perhaps you may even be dealing with fear or worry that this separation, instead of doing good, may only lead to permanent break-up or divorce. You may feel that you do not have the power to change what is going on, and I tell you right now that it is okay.
At this point I want you to understand something. I want you to understand that there are really things that are beyond our control and stressing over it will not do any good. You cannot force your partner to stay with you and there are really things in your love relationship or marriage that will not happen in a particular way you wanted to.
Then again I want you to know that there are also things around you that are within your power to change. There are actually things that you can DO to turn things around. First is to decide how to handle the devastating news from your loved one. Next, you can make a conscious choice on what you should do during this time of space and separation. Below are some of the things you can do in dealing with such difficult phase in the relationship.
#1. Let your feelings flow. You are confused. You are in pain. You miss him. You cry. All of these things are completely normal. It is completely okay to be sad. Who wouldn’t be sad? The person whom you shared a part of your soul just decided to leave without any concrete explanation; of course you’ll get sad and get hurt. Cry your heart out – alone or to a friend, this will let you get through the pain. However, do not let it drag for too long. You need to make a conscious effort to stand up and be happy again.
#2. Find a support group. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and valued like your family and friends. These people will help lift your spirits up and fill that hole your partner left you with their love. This separation may also be a great venue for you to reconnect with some old friends from your hometown or previous schools.
#3. Set the “ground rules”. It is true that your partner was the one who needed space but it does not mean that you do not have a say on the situation. You cannot make him stay with you but you can request that you both would sit down and set some “ground rules”.
You both can agree on arrangements involving things like: fidelity, financial matters, child care issues, how much contact with one another, etc. You may even agree on the specific period of separation and after such time you may come together to talk and make decisions about the relationship.
#4. Take care of yourself. Yes your partner broke you but can actually decide how far he can break you. If you want him back, you should show him that you are a strong and confident woman. Your man is going through a tough time right now and the least he needs is another liability. Do not be that liability.
Instead of lying on the bed the entire day and crying your heart out, choose to get up and eat right. Drink plenty of water. Get yourself moving. Proper diet and exercise do magic in the body. It boosts your mood and confidence. Also remember to get enough sleep to avoid those horrifying eye bags.
#5. Get some make over; pamper yourself. Finding some soothing music, engaging yourself to some bubble bath or treating yourself for a massage are just some of the things you can do to pamper yourself.
Getting a makeover does not also have to be expensive. In fact, you really do not have to change everything about you. As simple as changing your hairstyle, getting your nails done and tweaking your wardrobe will have a huge effect on you. It will help you find the confidence you lost when your man decided to walk out the door.
#6. Challenge yourself. Make a list of the things you wanted to do. Did you ever wish to learn how to speak Spanish? Or play the piano? Or how to surf? This is the right time to do all these things to help you change your focus besides him.
#7. Stay at the present. It is natural to think of the “what if’s” about the relationship. More often than not these predictions that we have are fueled by our fears and thus would not be helpful.
It will be very helpful for you if you simply stay at the present. You may not like what you are feeling at the moment but try to stay at the present anyway. This will help you appreciate the little things that are going around you. Being at the present also helps you to properly respond to what is happening based on what you actually know and not what you are imagining.
#8. Become a better partner by becoming a better person. Believe me, you need this space as much as your partner. Take this time to reflect and work on yourself. Your partner asking for some space does not mean that it is only you who should be blamed for the fall. However, it is important to assess yourself and take responsibility over the things which led to your relationship’s challenges. This separation could be a great way to learn how to carry yourself when you get jealous, annoyed or angry.
These things will not assure you that you will win your man back, however bear in mind that if you do the things listed above you could actually benefit from it. You may not win him back but at least you are now okay and totally confident with yourself.
As you start to face the harsh truths about your habits, you can also assess the entire relationship. You can now examine the pattern of behaviors you and your partner have and contemplate if they are healthy and desirable. Give yourself the freedom to decide whether keeping the relationship is a good idea for the two of you.
If you face self-doubts always go back to the things that you CAN DO at the moment. A dose of confidence and feeling of empowerment can help you in making requests, acquire agreements and making sound decision that will serve you better.